Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
