You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
