i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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