but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
