Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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