ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
