i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
