Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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