There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
