what day is it and did you see me today?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize