I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
