We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
