who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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