i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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