I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
