the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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