do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
