plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
