We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
