Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
and you fell through a lawn chair
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
