He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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