yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
