I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
