im drinking this country out of the recession.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
