i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
