I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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