omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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