I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
