Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
