Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
