Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
