i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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