so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
