I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
