I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
