then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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