If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
