Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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