I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
