Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
