Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
