I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My feet surprised me
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