sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize