i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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