Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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