Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
