I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
