woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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