Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize