its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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