On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
