Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
