But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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