i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
