Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
