Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
