and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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