The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm always down for nudity.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
