That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
