Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
