using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
