When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
