Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you had me at cake vodka
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
