my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
