Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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