Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
