hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
