you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I want a musical about memes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
