Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I want to have your abortion
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
