i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
