I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
