when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
