i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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