ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
they're like a gay fantastic four
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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