but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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